so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
