I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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