Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
