See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
