I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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