You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
