i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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