i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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