once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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