I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
