I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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