Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
