You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
