Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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