Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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