speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
