I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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