yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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