I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
