he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
