did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
