you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
This toilet bowl is my home.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
