The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
