I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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