I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
