Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
