I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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