Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
