Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
