The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize