@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
