my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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