Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
