yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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