After last night, I could never be a politician.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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