No stitches, just platelets and will power
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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