did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
