sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
