Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
