yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Drunk is not a location!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
