All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
