Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
