i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
