Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
A+ Viking dick
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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