do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize