Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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