people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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