No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
