Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
