I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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