Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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