What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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