I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
