you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
