So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
