you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
