You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize