It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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