Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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