i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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