Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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