She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
