i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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