I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
