Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
