I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
