Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
