ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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