my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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