Umm I'm too high to move.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
