Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
