Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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