i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
