I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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