I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
