Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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