You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
