At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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