Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
