I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
