i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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