It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
