Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
