As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
