Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
