someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
