You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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