I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
