There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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