those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
