glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
