I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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