I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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