i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
