which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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