PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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