Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The Olympian is in my bed
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
