ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
there's paper in my vomit.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
