Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
