I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
